also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
