With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
