this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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