You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
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