I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
