half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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