I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
