We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
