my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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