You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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