Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
