Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
