If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
