tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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