so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
