To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
