yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
