Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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