he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Everyone says I win the strip club
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
