He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
