be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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