It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
