Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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