this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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