Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
