Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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