I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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