Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
