....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
