went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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