Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
