I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
