I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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