i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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