im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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