An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i love accidental penises.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
