My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
