this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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