I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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