evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
