Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
