he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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