i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
