I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
