The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
