Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
