If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
