i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
