i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
