Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
