Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize