I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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