I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
birth control should be required to get into college
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
